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| Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot |
| When Castro dies, can we have him cremated, rolled into a cigar, smoke him, and when someone asks say, "I'm smoking a...make that THE Cuban"...I had my Bilderberg group therapy session today and they feel I'm not secretive enough emotionally...The Bible is now the #1 best-selling book in Norway. I think it's because so many people realize the only way to survive socialism is with deep and fervent prayer...Attorney General Eric Holder conceded that "things have gotten a little out of whack" with regards to secretly pulling records on reporters. The statement was issued as a preamble to the announcement that Holder has taken an additional role in the administration as the Secretary of Understatement...Out of political correctness, the next thing you'll hear is that the only phones not tapped in America are calls from here to the Mid-East...Speaking of which, why is the Mid-West so much more mellow than the Mid-East?...I might as well say I find the President and the NSA creepy on Twitter because it appears he'll know about it even if I say it in private...Liberals strike at a faux insult like a bonefish hitting a crab shuffling its fins in the marl. Try it, it's fun...Joey Crawford is "bend forks with his face" handsome...What's with Manu? He looks shakier than a rescue dog in Phil Spector's house... And dot's dot, folks! |
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| Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot |
| The 2800 pages of the Obamacare bill make "Gravity's Rainbow" read like "The Elements of Style"...With Obama, forget "no clothes." The emperor has no birthday suit...Eric Holder's first name might as well be "Place," because that's all he's good for...The only difference between Nixon and Obama at this point is that Obama will eventually need the words "I am not a crook" written out on a teleprompter for him...CDC researchers have discovered e.coli bacteria from fecal matter in 58% of public pools. NBC is denying that the Today Show segment "Where in the World Is Al Roker Swimming?" has anything to do with it...Just saw the new Will/Jaden Smith film. The problem? Zero degrees of separation...The NY Times is in an abusive relationship with the White House entitled "50 Shades of Gray Lady."...The White House Press Room has turned into "Men Staring at Goats Blaming Other Goats"...How does Birdman Anderson check for melanomas?...If Chris Christie ever debates Hillary Clinton for the Presidency, they best shoot it in IMAX... And dot's dot, folks! |
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| Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot |
| The Nikkei index had its biggest one-day drop in 2 years, and European stock markets are shaky, too. This news would be much more disturbing if anyone, anywhere, had any kind of ACTUAL money...NBC announces new 24/7 James Rosen's Colonoscopies Network. Huma Abedin to host...Ahhhh - Fox hunting comes to the colonies! Luv-ley!...In addition to the obvious, Michael Moor (sorry, he ate the "e" before I could type it) is also morbidly obtuse...All sports should be shut down immediately until we can ensure no human being will ever suffer another concussion. I mean it! Now!...Biden's on a shorter leash than Eddie Gaedel's Pekingese...The thing that pisses me off the most about the Obama administration is the way they insist that individual ambition is unbecoming...The buck now picks up speed when it hits the President's desk...Wonder if Obama asked Christie if one of those stomach staples could be transferred to Biden's pie-hole?... And dot's dot, folks! |
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| Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot |
| IRS chief Miller steps down...replaces Holder at DOJ...Holder...steps in for Hillary at State...Hillary now...Press Secretary. Carney TBD...Usually a twelve minute wait for a two minute performance shows up in an ad about ED, not a White House presser...Brevity is the soul of cover-up...At the very least, can the White House erect their coming stonewall on our southern border?...Things got so bad at the White House today, just to be sure, they had to break out the Renfield manacles and clamp Biden to the wall...It would appear Obama is the "most out of the loop/center of it all" guy in the history of the universe...I just got my wazoo Armor-alled because I'm no doubt being audited out of it as I type this...Hey Greyhound mechanics, get a 42 Reg jumpsuit together for Carney because he's about to join you...Uh-oh...Obama just asked the family dog Bo to legally change his name to Checkers...Soledad O'Brien sees every aspect of life as shot through the prism of black and white except of course the primal battle between good and evil... And dot's dot, folks! |
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| Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot |
| Jodi Arias should have to share a quad with the Beagle Boys from Cleveland for the rest of time...The White House marked Mother's Day by celebrating Obamacare's free birth control on Twitter. Probably their most awkward tweet since their "I love ham" campaign during Rosh Hashanah...Max Baucus is retiring after calling the Obamacare bill he helped write "a train wreck." I've got a new idea to fix the economy - build a foot-high tollbooth on the outskirts of DC and make everyone who has the Road Runner cloud away from this piece of crap at least kick in a quarter on the way out...Journalistic integrity these days makes a house of cards look like a Normandy bunker...The press are such ass-kissers and Obama just keeps saying "kiss my ass." It's a match made in heaven...If Obama has another couple days like he just had, he's going to insist he was born in Kenya...Dick Cheney said that President Obama was involved in an "ongoing Benghazi coverup." Jay Carney immediately responded with a press release that said in all caps, "HALLIBURTON!"...If Valerie Jarrett had a buzzcut, she'd be H.R. Haldeman...Jay Carney blows more smoke than a Rastafarian death-rattle...Jay Carney has a worse bluff than Marty Feldman with pocket aces... And dot's dot, folks! |
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| Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot |
| President Obama has threatened to open up a can of whup-nuance on Syria...Obama's foreign policy: if you talk the talk, you have to be able to talk the more talk...Using computer models to predict climate change is like using brackets to predict the outcome of the NCAA tournament...Obama stammers so much in his speeches because he's crossing a BS lake and he's looking for the next ice floe to hop to...The press are such lapdogs for Obama, the White House should appoint Cesar Millan as Press Secretary...Thanks to Obama's stonewalling, the American people don't know Benghazi from Ben Gazzarra - and they don't know Ben Gazzarra...Under questioning, the administration's story on Benghazi is shakier than a jackhammer operator playing Jenga on his lunch break...If 4 jihadists had been killed by our guys in the raid on Benghazi, we'd have had non-stop hearings every day until we got to the bottom of it...Al Gore may be worth $200 million, but when it comes to karma, his account is bereft...Chris Christie will probably run in 2016 since he already has experience with getting someone elected President... And dot's dot, folks! |
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| Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot |
| I'm not saying China owns a lot of our debt, but I was asked if I wanted MSG on my tax return check this year...Doesn't the idea of the streets of Paris filled with effete, beret-wearing men denouncing gay marriage sound like an unused Rod Serling screenplay?...Why isn't Obama out there every day saying that radical Islam obviously clings to their guns and religion?...John King just tweeted me to tell me that Thomas Dewey is the President...I've known people in dialysis who aren't as dependent on a machine as Obama on his 'prompter...Obama is funny. I wish he had his own late night talk show and Craig Ferguson was President...As I watched all the awe-struck acolytes in the press corps at that dinner looking up at Obama, I finally figured it out: he's Frank Sinatra, and the press is Peter Lawford...Compared to the press's fawning over Obama at the Correspondent's Dinner, Tony Robbins crowds look like Nuremberg juries...My advice: avoid the liberal media. Quit idiots like you quit cigarettes. It's hard for a couple weeks, but then they're out of your life...When Obama finally gets his own Presidential Library, the entire thing will be in fine print... And dot's dot, folks! |
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| Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot |
| Every time I see there's a John Kerry story, I think, "Who did we acquiesce to today?"...John Kerry will host a meeting of top Afghan and Pakistani officials to discuss reconciliation with the Taliban. The only issue is whether our differences will be moderated by Judge Joe Brown or Judge Judy...Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is in the hospital after getting hurt in his WWE title fight. A new high in irony: real injuries from pretend sports...You'll get Gosnell's right to capriciously abort children in a questionable manner when you pry it from his cold, dead hand...There were people who worked in the Enigma project during WWII who did not deal, on a day-to-day basis, with code as much as Al Sharpton. He could take the phrase "I prefer oleo margarine" and break that down into a racist comment somehow...I believe in good police work. I don't believe in a good police state...There is good and evil in the world, and the good should occasionally thin the herd of the evil...One of these days, someone's going to trigger a home-made bomb with an Obamaphone...Why is the President afraid to say "terrorism"? He's either stupid or he's creepy or he's a genius like HAL 9000 who's thrown a wire and doesn't quite know what he's doing...If we're going to take the high ground in the war on terror, we'll have the best seat in the house to witness our own demise. |
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| Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot |
| Jim Nantz - the Dog-leg Whisperer. #masters...Brandt Snedeker is the confluence of the Tigris and Euphrates of tousled...In photos I see, I believe the winner of the Venezuelan election is wearing the same outfit Ricky Fowler wore on Friday at the Masters...It would appear that Kobe Bryant's Achilles tendon is his Achilles heel...Nancy Pelosi's head is so empty it has squatters...Price of gold plummets. Scrooge McDuck on suicide watch...The "why" of the Boston Marathon bombing? A) they're evil B) they're nuts C) their religion demands it D) all of the above... For Obama to not immediately call the Boston Marathon bombing an act of terrorism - what do you THINK it was? A diversion for pickpockets?...Just one question for the President: why did you hesitate to use the term "terrorism?" Because this whole contortion of primal feelings on your part is resonating in the dens of the madmen...We're not supposed to immediately jump to the conclusion that this was Islamic terrorism, but am I at least allowed, for a moment, to doubt the benefit of giving the benefit of the doubt?..."Act of terror" should not be a placeholder for "radical Islam"... And dot's dot, folks! |
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| Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot |
| The Associated Press announced it will stop calling illegal immigrants "illegal immigrants." Rickles announced that he's just going to continue to call all of them "Pedro"...Liberals get overvociferous defending Obama's dismal record. That's the tell...Joe Biden is the spokesman for the "blank helicopter crowd"...Great day at the Atlanta Braves game yesterday. It was Mohel Day at the old ball yard so the tomahawk chop had a certain precision to it...My gay friends don't talk about gay marriage as much as the straight white guys in media...Greece now wants reparations from Germany for WWII. Yeah, good luck calling in a marker on the Hun...What this planet needs is a country called CommonSensylvania, because this nation has gone as mad as Crazy Eddie with a fever...A new poll shows 15% of people think the government adds secret mind-control technology to televisions broadcasts. I definitely believe they exist. They're called commercials...Did you see that video of Obama missing 20 of 22 shots on the basketball court? Well, he's still better at shooting than he is at picking winners in the green jobs category...Speaking of his bad game, we should start taxing his missed shots. We'd all be flush... And dot's dot, folks! |
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