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Movie Reviews
Christian Toto is an award-winning journalist and contributing film critic for The Washington Times. He runs WhatWouldTotoWatch.com and provides film reviews for The Dennis Miller Show, PajamasMedia.com and radio programs in D.C., Tampa and Topeka, Kansas.
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2008 was an unforgettable year, but it wont be soon enough to forget these movies. Here is our top ten list of the worst movies of 2008.
Date: Sort by
The Taking of Pelham 123
The gritty '70s subway thriller gets rebooted with the usual modern flourishes. But casting Denzel Washington as an Everyman stuck with a hostage crisis heightens the intensity of an otherwise perfunctory remake. John Travolta tries too hard as the villain, but he's still got enough charisma left in the tank to commandeer our attention.
Say Anything: 20th Anniversary Edition
John Cusack's swan song to the teen love genre proved to be his best performance to date, and this troubled romance retains its awkward charm long after its initial release. Cusack's now iconic Lloyd Dobler is trying to woo the smartest girl in school (Ione Skye), but he'll have to get around her meddling father (John Mahoney) to win her heart. The repeatable dialogue hasn't aged a day.
Orphan
Yet another creepy kid movie, but this one boasts a strong cast and a healthy amount of tension. A young couple (Vera Farmiga, Peter Sarsgaard) adopt a Russian child who seems to start trouble wherever she goes. The twist ending makes no sense, and the script isn't nearly as tight as it should be. But for genre fans it's worth wading through those serious flaws.
Cheri
Michelle Pfeiffer gives her best performance in years as an older woman who falls for man (Rupert Friend) decades her junior. This sumptuous period drama offers a tart screenplay, beautiful set design and the subdued sexual sparks emitted by the well cast leads. The film reunites director Stephen Frears with Pfeiffer, who last teamed up for 1988's "Dangerous Liaisons."
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Yes, this sequel to the wildly popular original made boatloads of cash, but that doesn't mean the film isn't mindless, derivative and darn near impossible to follow. Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox return, along with their shape shifting pals, to beat back another attempt by the Decepticons to rule the world. A few action sequences crackle with excitement, but everything else is an unqualified mess.
Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead
This low-rent horror franchise turned it up a notch for part 2, but the third film retreats to straight to DVD quality. That said, the story of a band of prisoners who make the titular wrong turn into a land where mutated freaks run wild is more entertaining than one might expect if you like your gore on the heavy side. It still can't compete for your DVD dollars with superior horror fare like "Splinter" and "Eden Lake" to name just two recent sleepers.
Land of the Lost
The crude, dated '70s kiddie show becomes a crude, charmless comedy bust for star Will Ferrell. The former "Anchorman" travels to a world teeming with dinosaurs, Sleestaks and other creepy monsters, and he isn't sure how to return home. The gags are best enjoyed by the kiddies, but that demographic is poorly served by the film's adult gags.
Drag Me to Hell
Director Sam Raimi returns to his horror roots, and if you ratchet down your expectations you'll have a good, goofy time. Alison Lohman plays a bank clerk who turns down an old woman for a loan, and oh, does the broke woman get her vengeance. Raimi's blend of horror and comedy clicks once more, but the film still lacks the demented glee generated by his "Evil Dead" trilogy.
Year One
Jack Black and Michael Cera team up as cavemen cast out of their tribe. The neanderthal comedy, directed by comedy veteran Harold Ramis, tries to blend modern gags with Biblical references, but the results rarely click. Too crass for youngsters, too immature for older viewers, "Year One" is a near complete misfire.
My Life in Ruins
Nia Vardalos returns to the big screen, but this time her character is a long way off from any "Big Fat Greek Wedding." She plays a lonely Greek tour guide stuck with an obnoxious band of tourists. "Ruins" is silly, predictable and rarely laugh out loud funny, but Richard Dreyfus offers able support in a key role and Vardalos is so eager to win us over it's hard to hold the film against her.
Monsters vs. Aliens
The latest animated feature delivers just enough jokes for the kiddies and their parents to satisfy both audiences. An engaged woman, voiced by Reese Witherspoon, is exposed to a chemical which causes her to grow to monstrous proportions. She's quickly teamed with other monsters to battle back against an alien invasion. Forgive the military slams and you'll be pleasantly diverted by this CGI confection.
Away We Go
Director Sam Mendes tries to catch "Juno" in a bottle with this snarky film about a young couple (Maya Rudolph, John Krasinski) about to become parents. The film's far too quirky for its own good, wasting a spry cast and some valuable insights about first-time parenting. Rudolph in particular impresses here, showing she's far more versatile than just another "Saturday Night Live" sketch player.
Observe and Report
Seth Rogen stars as the anti-Paul Blart, a mall cop who needs a therapist and maybe some Prozac. Rogen's character wants to catch a pervert exposing himself at the mall, and he'll stop at nothing to bring in his man. Anna Faris sparkles briefly as the woman who catches the mall cop's eye.
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
Matthew McConaughey stars as a ladies man forced to change his ways when confronted by the ghost of his late, beloved uncle (Michael Douglas). The film swipes the Scrooge story template but doesn't fully commit to the gimmick. McConaughey's surprisingly nuanced turn nearly makes this weak project worth your time. If only the film had given the lively Douglas more to do here.
Easy Virtue
Jessica Biel is a thoroughly modern woman stuck in a 1920's era British family in this not so stuffy period comedy. Biel's marriage to a British aristocrat drives his family batty, especially his mother (Kristin Scott Thomas). The film strains to break free of the period film formula, using some goofy song remixes to spike the cinematic punch. It mostly works, and Biel is effective as a woman ahead of her time.
X Men Origins
The first blockbuster of Summer '09 has its jaw-dropping moments, but it lacks the power and precision of the previous "X" films. Hugh Jackman is still magnetic as the hirsute hero, but the backstory concocted for him isn't as involving as the Wolverine character himself. Several top-notch action sequences nudge this one into the "See it" category.
Crank 2: High Voltage
Action star Jason Statham returns as Chev Chelios, the man who refuses to die even after his heart is replaced by a mechanized one. The action here is deliriously over the top as Chev chases down the thugs who took his heart, and for a while that adrenaline rush is all the film needs. But eventually the ultra-violence, and silly supporting characters, derail the film's guilty pleasures.
Sin Nombre
Arresting tale of two immigrants trying to make it to the U.S. border before their respective pasts catch up to them. The story puts politics aside to show the lives our protagonists lead, and the complications which force them to make their bold choices. Strong, subtle acting and some beautiful cinematography make "Sin Nombre" stand out.
Sugar
Add "Sugar" to the small list of smart, realistic baseball movies. The film follows a promising Dominican Republic hurler trying to crack a Major League Baseball team. But it'll take more than a sweet fastball to make it in the U.S. Novice actor Algenis Perez Soto unblinkered performance anchors this quiet character study.
Duplicity
Too clever for its own good, but also too sharp not to recommend. Clive Owen and Julia Roberts star as spies who fall for each other amidst assignments - or do they? Fine supporting work by Tom Wilkinson and Paul Giamatti round out a story that's at least two too many twists away from being a classic.
 
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